See? I could never be a music critic, because my mind doesn't work this way. Here is an essay ostensibly about The Air Guitar World Championship, but it veers off into why U.K. pop music doesn't suX0r like U.S. pop music does, and that Springsteen's new album is a complete yawn. I wish I could do that. Instead, I'm reduced to whacking things into people's heads with anger and a ball-peen hammer.